I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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