fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
