I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
