I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
