You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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