if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
