You're my little dorito
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
