a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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