Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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