He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
