As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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