i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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