sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
