You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
More tranny stories later!
Michael Bay diarrhea
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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