dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
