hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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