Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
