I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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