i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
