I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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