What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
