the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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