In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
