her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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