You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
