I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
