I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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