my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
