I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How naked do you want me to be?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
