Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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