you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
This beer is not sobering me up at all
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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