I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I don't deserve a penis
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
