five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Can I color on your dick again?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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