Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
