You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
As shirtless as possible
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
