I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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