omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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