Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
