U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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