I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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