Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
