this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
