I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Randomize
