I must be too annoying 4 u.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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