I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize