i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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