Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
