I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
