Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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