4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
