At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
