good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
