in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Randomize
