remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
