Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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