Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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