I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
