i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
