Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
