My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
