Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
