remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
