You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
