I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Your penis caused this!
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