You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i wish my penis had a tongue
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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