i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
