Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
