Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
