Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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