found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize