Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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