just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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