this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
