That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
